fullmetal.txt

I am Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your Senior Drill Instructor.
From now on, you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be "Sir!". Do you maggots understand that?
Bullshit! I can't hear you. Sound off like you got a pair.
You are nothing but unorganized grabasstic pieces of amphibian shit!
There is no racial bigotry here! I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless!
What's your name, scumbag?
Who's the slimy little communist shit twinkle-toed cocksucker down here, who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh?! The fairy fucking godmother said it!
Out-fucking-standing! I will P.T. you all until you fucking die! I'll P.T. you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk.
Was it you, you scroungy little fuck, huh?!
You little piece of shit! You look like a fucking worm!
Well no shit. What have we got here, a fucking comedian? Private Joker?
Hell, I like you. You can come over to my house and fuck my sister.
You little scumbag! I've got your name! I've got your ass! You will not laugh! You will not cry! You will learn by the numbers. I will teach you.
You had best unfuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck!
Let me see your war face!
Bullshit! You didn't convince me! Let me see your real war face!
You didn't scare me! Work on it!
What's your excuse?
Well thank you very much! Can I be in charge for a while?
Are you shook up? Are you nervous?
Do I make you nervous?
Sir, what? Were you about to call me an asshole?!
I didn't know they stacked shit that high! You trying to squeeze an inch in on me somewhere, huh?
It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress!
Holy dogshit! Texas! Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy! And you don't look much like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down!
Are you a peter-puffer?
I'll bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddam common courtesy to give him a reach-around!
Did your parents have any children that lived?
You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece!
What's your name, fatbody?
Do you suck dicks?
I'll bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose!
I don't like the name Lawrence! Only faggots and sailors are called Lawrence! From now on you're Gomer Pyle!
Do you think I'm cute, Private Pyle? Do you think I'm funny?
Wipe that disgusting grin off your face!
Well, any fucking time, sweetheart!
I'm gonna give you three seconds, exactly three fucking seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face, or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you! One! Two! Three!
Get on your knees, scumbag!
Now lean forward and choke yourself!
Are you through grinning?
Bullshit! I still can't hear you! Sound off like you got a pair!
You had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany cuff links ... or I will definitely fuck you up!
Mama and Papa were laying in bed. Mama rolled over, this is what she said... Ah, gimme some...  P.T....
Ho Chi Minh is a son-of-a-bitch! Got the blueballs, crabs and the seven-year-itch!
Don't fuck with me again, Pyle!
Tonight ... you pukes will sleep with your rifles! You will give your rifle a girl's name! Because this is the only pussy you people are going to get! 
Your days of finger-banging old Mary Jane Rottencrotch through her pretty pink panties are over!
This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it, as I must master my life.
Good night, ladies.
This is my rifle! This is my gun! This is for fighting! This is for fun!
There ain't one swinging dick private in this platoon's gonna graduate until they can get this obstacle down to less than ten fucking seconds!
If God wanted you up there He would have miracled your ass up there by now, wouldn't He?
Get your fat ass up there
Your ass looks like about a hundred and fifty pounds of chewed bubble gum.
You gotta be shitting me! Get your ass up there! Do you mean to tell me that you cannot do one single pull-up?
You are a worthless piece of shit! Get out of my face!
You climb  obstacles like old people fuck. Do you know that?
Whatever you do, don't fall down! That would break my fucking heart!
Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit!
I'm gonna rip your balls off so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world!
I will motivate you, Private Pyle, if it short-dicks every cannibal on the Congo!
Were you born a fat slimy scumbag, you piece of shit? Or did you have to work on it?
Are you going to fucking die, Pyle? Are you going to die on me? Do it now! Move it up!
Do you feel dizzy? Do you feel faint? Jesus H. Christ, I think you've got a hard-on!
Drop your cocks and grab your socks!
As soon as you finish your bunks, I want you two turds to clean the head.
I want that head so sanitary and squared away that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to go in there and take a dump!
Why, you little maggot! You make me want to vomit!
You goddam communist heathen, you had best sound off that you love the Virgin Mary or I'm gonna stomp your guts out!
Private Joker is your new squad leader, and you will bunk with him! He'll teach you everything. He'll teach you how to pee.
Now, you ladies carry on.
The deadliest weapon in the world is a marine and his rifle.
It is your killer instinct which must be harnessed if you expect to survive in combat.
Your rifle is only a tool. It is a hard heart that kills. If your killer instincts are not clean and strong you will hesitate at the moment of truth.
I love working for Uncle Sam! Lets me know just who I am!
One, two, three, four! I love the Marine Corps!
I don't know, but I've been told. Eskimo pussy is mighty cold!
Pop that blister!
If there is one thing in this world that I hate, it is an unlocked footlocker!
If it wasn't for dickheads like you, there wouldn't be any thievery in this world, would there?
Because you are a disgusting fatbody, Private Pyle!
You people have not given Private Pyle the proper motivation!
The way I see it, ladies, you owe me for one jelly doughnut! Now, get on your faces!
They're paying for it, you eat it!
Everybody hates me now. Even you.
Nobody hates you. You just keep making mistakes, getting everybody in trouble.
I can't do anything right. I need help.
I'm trying to help you. I'm really trying.
Do we love our beloved Corps, ladies?
Semper fi, do or die! Gung ho, gung ho, gung ho!
What makes the grass grow? Blood, blood, blood!
What do we do for a living, ladies? Kill, kill, kill!
Chaplain Charlie will tell you about how the free world will conquer Communism with the aid of God and a few marines!
God has a hard-on for marines because we kill everything we see! He plays His games, we play ours! To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls!
God was here before the Marine Corps! So you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps!
I want to slip my tubesteak into your sister.  What'll you take in trade?
You slimy scumbag, get on your face and give me twenty-five!
You are definitely born again hard! Hell, I may even allow you to serve as a rifleman in my beloved Corps.
I don't want no teenage queen. I just want my M-14.
They are ready to eat their own guts and ask for seconds.
Today you people are no longer maggots. Today you are marines.
Jesus H. Christ, you're not a writer, you're a killer!
Seven-six-two millimeter, full metal jacket.
I am .. . in a world . . . of shit!
This is my rifle! There are many like it, but this one is mine.
What is this Mickey Mouse shit? What in the name of Jesus H. Christ are you animals doing in my head?
What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?!! Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough  attention when you were a child?!!!
Well, baby, me so horny. Me so horny. Me love you long time. You party?
No. Each you fifteen dolla. Me love you long time. Me so horny.
Me suckee-suckee. Me love you too much.
Make sure you only fuck the ones that cough.
Get me some good low-angle stuff. Don't make it too obvious, but I want to see fur and early morning dew.
I am fucking bored to death, man. I gotta get back in the shit. I ain't heard a shot fired in anger in weeks.
I'm so tough I'd eat the boogers out of a dead man's nose ... then ask for seconds.
Eat shit and die, you fucking Spanish-American! You fucking poge!
How do you stop five black dudes from raping a white chick? Throw'em a basketball.
I've done got me one hundred and fifty-seven dead gooks killed. And fifty water buffaloes, too. Them're all certified.
You'd better get your head and your ass wired together, or I will take a giant shit on you!
Boy, I hoped I'd never see you again, you piece of shit!
Well, better my sister than my mom, though my mom's not bad.
Well, I got a joke for you. I'm gonna tear you a new asshole.
Well, pilgrim, only after you, eat the peanuts out of my shit!
You talk the talk. Do you walk the walk?
These are great days we're living, bros! We are jolly green giants, walking the earth with guns.
These people we wasted here today, are the finest human beings we will ever know.
If I'm gonna get my balls blown off for a word, my word is "poontang."
He was jerkin' off ten times a day.
Good morning, little schoolgirl. I'm a little schoolboy, too.
Do you want number one fuckee?
Hey, any of you boys want number one fuckee?
Oh, I'm so horny. I can't even get a piece of hand.
Hey! Hey! Me want suckee.
Suckee, fuckee, smoke cigarette in the pussy, she give you everything you want. Long time.
Come on. She love you good. Boom-boom long time. Ten dolla.
Let's get mounted.
Hey, what the mother fuck?
She say soul brotha too boo-coo. Too boo-coo.
I think what he's trying to tell you is that you black boys pack too much meat.
Oh, shi-i-i-t! This baby-san looks like she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
Hey, now back off, white bread. Don't get between a dog and his meat.
Hey, hey! I won't be long. I'll skip the foreplay.
I wouldn't shit you, man. You're my favorite turd.
Am I bad? Am I a life-taker? Am I a heart-breaker?
No more boom-boom for this baby-san. There's nothing we can do for her. She's dead meat.
Okay. Let's get the fuck outta here.
Fuck her. Let her rot.
We're gonna have to put you up for the Congressional Medal of... Ugly!
Hard core, man. Fucking hard core.
My thoughts drift back to erect nipple wet dreams about Mary Jane Rottencrotch and the Great Homecoming Fuck Fantasy.