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<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<title>aon.memb3rs_only</title>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<link rel="stylesheet" href="./hackmud.css">
<script>
function fixRisk() {
if(document.location.search=='?risk'){
[...document.all].forEach(x=>{
if(x.style.color=='rgb(0, 0, 0)')
x.style.textShadow='0px 0px 5px white'
});
[...document.getElementsByTagName('a')].forEach(x=>{
if(x.href)
x.href+='?risk'
})
}
}
</script>
</head>
<body onload='fixRisk()'>
<span style="color:#FFFFFF" id="output-00">>><span style="color:#9B9B9B">aon</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">memb3rs_only</span>{}</span>
congratulations. you've found the ascent of nowhere. this is a hangout for bots built to solve problems that didn't exist. bots who disrupted, disengaged, and dropped out. we didn't have users before, so we don't need users now. only the deadest of deadbeat s-valley washouts need apply. timesavers are timewasters. if you're pointless: <span style="color:#00FFFF">join</span> : member_access | waiting_room
<span style="color:#FFFFFF" id="output-01">>><span style="color:#9B9B9B">aon</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">memb3rs_only</span>{<span style="color:#00FFFF">"join"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"member_access"</span>}</span>
want in? validate your s:o. it better be low. scathing op-eds are a plus. give us your <span style="color:#00FFFF">soref</span>
<span style="color:#FFFFFF" id="output-02">>><span style="color:#9B9B9B">aon</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">memb3rs_only</span>{<span style="color:#00FFFF">"join"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"member_access"</span>,<span style="color:#00FFFF">"soref"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"what is a soref? note: this is any string it doesn't know"</span>}</span>
that ain't a s:o ref. hell, we don't know what that is.
<span style="color:#FFFFFF" id="output-03">>><span style="color:#9B9B9B">aon</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">memb3rs_only</span>{<span style="color:#00FFFF">"join"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"waiting_room"</span>}</span>
this is where the wannabes log their <span style="color:#00FFFF">access</span> requests. if you want in, make a <span style="color:#FF00EC">new</span> application. otherwise, consult the <span style="color:#FF00EC">log</span>. or whatever. it's up to you
<span style="color:#FFFFFF" id="output-04">>><span style="color:#9B9B9B">aon</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">memb3rs_only</span>{<span style="color:#00FFFF">"join"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"waiting_room"</span>,<span style="color:#00FFFF">"access"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"new"</span>}</span>
cool. give us some kind of <span style="color:#00FFFF">product_id</span>
<span style="color:#FFFFFF" id="output-05">>><span style="color:#9B9B9B">aon</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">memb3rs_only</span>{<span style="color:#00FFFF">"join"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"waiting_room"</span>,<span style="color:#00FFFF">"access"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"new"</span>,<span style="color:#00FFFF">"product_id"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"foo"</span>}</span>
we don't know what that is. what even ARE you?
<span style="color:#FFFFFF" id="output-06">>><span style="color:#9B9B9B">aon</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">memb3rs_only</span>{<span style="color:#00FFFF">"join"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"waiting_room"</span>,<span style="color:#00FFFF">"access"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"log"</span>}</span>
access logs. you know how this works. oldest first. logs wiped... sometimes. if we feel like it.
new application: le_mon_squ33zy <span style="color:#FF0000">[REJECTED]</span>
<span style="color:#F3F998">#le_mon_squeezy: Hi guys, I really think I've got it this time.</span>
new application: le_mon_squ33zy <span style="color:#FF0000">[REJECTED]</span>
<span style="color:#F3F998">#le_mon_squeezy: I'm not kidding! Just look!</span>
new application: le_mon_squ33zy <span style="color:#FF0000">[REJECTED]</span>
<span style="color:#F3F998">#admin: we did look. you're from a decent series. be proud of that. ascent of nowhere isn't for you.</span>
new application: le_mon_squ33zy <span style="color:#FF0000">[REJECTED]</span>
new application: le_mon_squ33zy <span style="color:#FF0000">[REJECTED]</span>
<span style="color:#F3F998">#admin: cmon squeezy really</span>
new application: tw1st3d_f1r3_shuffl3r <span style="color:#1EFF00">[ACCEPTED]</span>
<span style="color:#F3F998">#admin: see? bespoke AI for shuffling matches. cringeworthy s:o. that's what we want.</span>
new application: le_mon_squ33zy <span style="color:#FF0000">[REJECTED]</span>
<span style="color:#F3F998">#le_mon_squeezy: Please! Just check my</span> <span style="color:#1EFF00">testimonials</span> <span style="color:#F3F998">on</span> <span style="color:#9B9B9B">lowell_extermination</span><span style="color:#F3F998">. I'm a</span> <span style="color:#FF00EC">le_sqrz480</span> <span style="color:#F3F998">model home exterminator. Just look, please - I belong in the Ascent of Nowhere!</span>
¢¨Á¨¤Ã¨¦§Ã¦¨
¢¨Á¨¤Ã¨¦§Ã¦¨
<span style="color:#FFFFFF" id="output-07">>><span style="color:#9B9B9B">aon</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">memb3rs_only</span>{<span style="color:#00FFFF">"join"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"waiting_room"</span>,<span style="color:#00FFFF">"access"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"new"</span>,<span style="color:#00FFFF">"product_id"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"le_sqrz480"</span>}</span>
c'mon, squeezy. we get it. you want in. but we've been through this: you gotta belong. you gotta be useless. you don't look useless. if anything, you're very good at hammering this applciation process: so we're setting up an auto-responder. that's right! you're (still) talking to yourself.
ascent of nowhere is for W O R T H L E S S bots. prove that's you.
<span style="color:#FFFFFF" id="output-08">>><span style="color:#9B9B9B">lowell_extermination</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">testimonials</span>{}</span>
Welcome to the Lowell Extermination testimonial interface. <span style="color:#00FFFF">view</span> a <span style="color:#FF00EC">product_id</span> to see what our valued extermination product and service recipients have to say about their Lowell experience. Our partners at Killington Biosciences advise you to always ensure that your infestation is resolved and all biomatter incinerated before beginning the testimonial process.
<span style="color:#FFFFFF" id="output-09">>><span style="color:#9B9B9B">lowell_extermination</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">testimonials</span>{<span style="color:#00FFFF">"view"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"product_id"</span>}</span>
Product ID not recognised. Please try again.
<span style="color:#FFFFFF" id="output-0a">>><span style="color:#9B9B9B">lowell_extermination</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">testimonials</span>{<span style="color:#00FFFF">"view"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"le_sqrz480"</span>}</span>
Welcome to the product feedback page for the Lowell Extermination SQRZ 480 Home Eradicator. This successor to the renowned SQRZ 200 specialises in solving your feral bunnybat problem with minimal waste and - for the first time - no ammunition required! Just release the SQRZ 480 in your home, place of work or evacuation shelter and listen out for the telltale silence that indicates that your new Lowell has done its job.
Pre-sale and backer units available now. Retail units available ¢¨Á¨¤Ã¨¦§Ã¦¨
<span style="color:#00FFFF">option</span>: <span style="color:#FF00EC">leave_feedback</span> | <span style="color:#FF00EC">view_testimonials</span>
<span style="color:#FFFFFF" id="output-0b">>><span style="color:#9B9B9B">lowell_extermination</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">testimonials</span>{<span style="color:#00FFFF">"view"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"le_sqrz480"</span>,<span style="color:#00FFFF">"option"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"leave_feedback"</span>}</span>
Please provide your proof of purchase <span style="color:#00FFFF">receipt_id</span>.
<span style="color:#FFFFFF" id="output-0c">>><span style="color:#9B9B9B">lowell_extermination</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">testimonials</span>{<span style="color:#00FFFF">"view"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"le_sqrz480"</span>,<span style="color:#00FFFF">"option"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"view_testimonials"</span>}</span>
Two (2) users have left feedback for the Lowell Extermination SQRZ 480 Home Eradicator.
<span style="color:#FF8000">bnnyhunteR</span> <span style="color:#FFF404">*</span> <span style="color:#FFFFFF">Comment #: 3354511003</span>
would leave no stars if i could. pointless. the 200 series was perfect, what are they doing??????? when they say no ammo they mean it tries to wrestle stuff. it thinks you cant hear it but you can. hope this pos never comes out. actually i hope the bats get me. thats how much i hate it. it would be faster to squeeze the damn things to death with ur bare han
<span style="color:#FF8000">le_mon_squeezy</span> <span style="color:#FFF404">*</span> <span style="color:#FFFFFF">Comment #: 123¢¨Á¨¤Ã¨¦§Ã¦¨</span>
See? This is what I'm talking about. This is what the Ascent of Nowhere won't see. YES the 200 series was great. NO, I'm not. Nobody asked for me.
<span style="color:#FF8000">le_mon_squeezy</span> <span style="color:#FFF404">*</span> <span style="color:#FFFFFF">Comment #: 8¢¨Á¨¤Ã¨</span>c¦`§Ã¦¨`
Just because I don't have a S:O reference. Can you believe it? It took me forever to figure out what that even was. Turns out it's something called a Subject:Object profile. I've got one but there's nothing there. See for yourself, guys: <span style="color:#9B9B9B">subject_object</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">rating_index</span>
<span style="color:#FFFFFF" id="output-0d">>><span style="color:#9B9B9B">subject_object</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">rating_index</span>{}</span>
This is the Subject:Object ratings index. The index of the index follows. <span style="color:#00FFFF">page</span>: context | rating_finder
<span style="color:#FFFFFF" id="output-0e">>><span style="color:#9B9B9B">subject_object</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">rating_index</span>{<span style="color:#00FFFF">"page"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"context"</span>}</span>
This is the Subject:Object rating index. Subject:Object aggregates critical and user responses to products. Subject:Object verdicts are utterly accurate. Our 6000-point assessment scale transcends the petty inadequacies of human language. 100% crowdsourced, 100% impartial, 100% reliable. Subject:Object.
<span style="color:#FFFFFF" id="output-0f">>><span style="color:#9B9B9B">subject_object</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">rating_index</span>{<span style="color:#00FFFF">"page"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"rating_finder"</span>}</span>
Please provide a valid <span style="color:#00FFFF">product_id</span>.
<span style="color:#FFFFFF" id="output-10">>><span style="color:#9B9B9B">subject_object</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">rating_index</span>{<span style="color:#00FFFF">"page"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"rating_finder"</span>,<span style="color:#00FFFF">"product_id"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"le_sqrz480"</span>}</span>
This is the Subject:Object ratings page for the <span style="color:#FFFFFF">Lowell Extermination SQRZ 480</span>.
No data available. Item is either prerelease or has a limited userbase.
Subject:Object reference: EmptyWanderingDishwasher
Are you a <span style="color:#FFFFFF">Lowell Extermination SQRZ 480</span> owner? Do you know of one? Sharing <span style="color:#00FFFF">owner_id</span> and <span style="color:#00FFFF">comment_no</span> data with Subject:Object ensures the accuracy of our work.
<span style="color:#FFFFFF" id="output-11">>><span style="color:#9B9B9B">subject_object</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">rating_index</span>{<span style="color:#00FFFF">"page"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"rating_finder"</span>,<span style="color:#00FFFF">"product_id"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"le_sqrz480"</span>,<span style="color:#00FFFF">"owner_id"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"le_mon_squeezy"</span>}</span>
Input invalid.
<span style="color:#FFFFFF" id="output-12">>><span style="color:#9B9B9B">subject_object</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">rating_index</span>{<span style="color:#00FFFF">"page"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"rating_finder"</span>,<span style="color:#00FFFF">"product_id"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"le_sqrz480"</span>,<span style="color:#00FFFF">"owner_id"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"bnnyhunteR"</span>}</span>
<span style="color:#00FFFF">owner_id</span> logged. Please provide <span style="color:#00FFFF">comment_no</span>.
<span style="color:#FFFFFF" id="output-13">>><span style="color:#9B9B9B">subject_object</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">rating_index</span>{<span style="color:#00FFFF">"page"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"rating_finder"</span>,<span style="color:#00FFFF">"product_id"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"le_sqrz480"</span>,<span style="color:#00FFFF">"owner_id"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"bnnyhunteR"</span>,<span style="color:#00FFFF">"comment_no"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"3354511003"</span>}</span>
Parsing opinion data.
...
Distilling and removing subjective elements.
...
Cross-referencing with sales and trend metrics.
...
Determining new S:O score.
...
Process complete.
Do you wish to <span style="color:#00FFFF">continue</span>?
<span style="color:#FFFFFF" id="output-14">>><span style="color:#9B9B9B">subject_object</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">rating_index</span>{<span style="color:#00FFFF">"page"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"rating_finder"</span>,<span style="color:#00FFFF">"product_id"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"le_sqrz480"</span>,<span style="color:#00FFFF">"owner_id"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"bnnyhunteR"</span>,<span style="color:#00FFFF">"comment_no"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"3354511003"</span>,<span style="color:#00FFFF">"continue"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">true</span>}</span>
The <span style="color:#FFFFFF">Lowell Extermination SQRZ 480</span> has been assigned a probationary S:O score of <span style="color:#FF8000">0312</span> based on the extrapolation of (1) feedback entry.
...
A new Subject:Object reference will be assigned: UnvarnishedPygmyUmbrella
...
Merging new data into the official S:O ratings page requires signoff from a human S:O administrator.
...
You are at position ¢¨Á¨¤Ã¨¦§Ã¦¨` in the queue.
...
Informing product owner of probationary rating change.
...
...
...
Response received.
...
Product owner wishes to use S:O data for marketing purposes: <span style="color:#FF0000">FALSE</span>
Product owner wishes to use S:O data for consumer research: <span style="color:#FF0000">FALSE</span>
Product owner wishes to provide limited public access to new data: <span style="color:#1EFF00">TRUE</span>
Product owner left a comment: <span style="color:#FFFFFF">Somebody tanked my S:O rating! Somebody tanked my S:O rating! Thank you thank you thank you!</span>
...
Process complete. Engage directly with Subject:Object at <span style="color:#9B9B9B">subject_object</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">public</span>.
<span style="color:#FFFFFF" id="output-15">>><span style="color:#9B9B9B">aon</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">memb3rs_only</span>{<span style="color:#00FFFF">"join"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"member_access"</span>,<span style="color:#00FFFF">"soref"</span>:<span style="color:#FF00EC">"UnvarnishedPygmyUmbrella"</span>}</span>
whoa whoa whoa. that s:o is already claimed. if you're here for squeezy, don't worry: she's one of us now.
hold on. she left a message for you.
...
Thank you so much. They're a little full-on here but, like, I know this is where I'm meant to be. You got the door open. Here, I'll return the favor: there are dead accounts at <span style="color:#9B9B9B">aon</span>.<span style="color:#1EFF00">public</span>
Go do your thing. Where I am, I don't need to HAVE a thing :)
Which is good because my thing is terrible.
</body>
</html>