Memberlist: expose configuration of memberlist handoff queue depth

[cabrinha]

Is your feature request related to a problem? Please describe.
Memberlist errors out with handler queue full, dropping message (8) from=192.168.25.7:7946 very often.

Describe the solution you'd like
I'd like to not see this error.

Describe alternatives you've considered
Replication factor of memberlist may need changing?

Additional context
Oh, you know... The usual errors here and there.

[cabrinha]

Also getting errors like these on distributor startup:

{"caller":"lifecycler.go:448","err":"failed to CAS-update key collectors/distributor: too many retries","level":"error","msg":"failed to write to the KV store, sleeping","ring":"distributor","ts":"2021-09-21T20:15:40.887303649Z"}

Which is followed by:

{"caller":"memberlist_logger.go:74","level":"error","msg":"Failed to decode dead message: codec.decoder: Only encoded map or array can be decoded into a struct. (valueType: c) from=192.168.48.69:7946","ts":"2021-09-21T20:25:17.845920625Z"}
{"caller":"memberlist_logger.go:74","level":"error","msg":"msg type (6) not supported from=192.168.48.69:7946","ts":"2021-09-21T20:25:17.846028565Z"}
{"caller":"memberlist_logger.go:74","level":"error","msg":"msg type (16) not supported from=192.168.48.69:7946","ts":"2021-09-21T20:25:17.84604389Z"}

Related / same issue? #4326

[stale]

This issue has been automatically marked as stale because it has not had any activity in the past 60 days. It will be closed in 15 days if no further activity occurs. Thank you for your contributions.