We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us: we are shaped by their hard, defining edges.
Gene Wolfe
The Book of the New Sun
This highly informal repost presents the collected columns of a man who does not exist, as published in a periodical which is not printed.
These columns had their genesis one afternoon at the CSNET Project offices of Bolt, Beranek and Newman, in Cambridge, Massachusetts. At least in its early days, CSNET was primarily a mail-based network, with most member sites using dial-up telephone lines for service to and from CSNET’s central relay machine. For many members, the details of using electronic mail were new, and some notions of mail addressing and service usage proved naive. The need for some guidance was felt, and at one of the project’s frequent impromptu meetings, I made the mistake of mentioning that the network needed services somewhat like those of one of the more popular newspaper columnists devoted to etiquette and politesse.
Unfortunately this random shot in the dark received an enthusiastic response, together with the suggestion that since I had made it, I should do something about it. I actually had not considered the notion of writing a column or anything like it until that point I decided that it was worth a try. The first installment of “Ask Mr. Protocol” soon followed in the CSNET Forum, an electronic digest sent via electronic mail to all CSNET members.
Mr. Protocol’s fictive third-person existence has been a minor problem since the very beginning. Students of his work will note that use of the first person was limited to the opening of the first column; this was deliberate. In case Mr. Protocol made some horrendous network blunder, I could claim complete deniability as his amanuensis. This fragile shield has never been put to the test. It did allow me to salvage a few shreds of self-image, however, as his incredibly exacting fussiness could be laid at the door of a mere schizoid personality. This tendency reached disturbing proportions in the single non-technical Mr. Protocol column, where use of the first person made a brief reappearance.
I have enjoyed the popularity (or notoriety) generated by Mr. Protocol over the years, and hope he will continue to contribute to the literature. I am particularly grateful to the godlike beings known as the Network Implementors for having thus far refrained from sending ah ICMP Death Packet to my workstation. Kudos and jhanks to Dick Edmiston for putting up with Mr. Protocol from the beginning (a difficult proposition), to Charlotte Mooers as his biggest booster, arid to Craig Partridge for having the happy idea of collecting his columns into this report. Comments and suggestions, as usual, are always welcome. Mr. Protocol, also as usual, refuses to provide his own electronic mail address, so send them to me at the address below. Enjoy.
Mr. Protocol is delighted with the good taste and sensitivity displayed by all involved in agreeing to collect his words into more permanent form for the benefit of posterity. He is sincerely grateful to all involved, and hopes that the Internet will be a Better Place for it. In times such as these, where mailing lists can consume one’s entire day in “keeping current,’’ and where one sadly awaits the development of “kamikaze packets’’ which throw pit bulls at other packets passing by on the overly congested long-haul networks, he feels that the nearly-lost qualities of Sense and Sensibility can only improve the situation. He trusts the people who actually run the networks to provide the Sense while he is eminently capable of providing whatever Sensibility might be required.
Etiquette in society, Mr. Protocol notes, changes with the times. Etiquette in the Internet also changes, but at a much higher rate. Still, certain basics remain constant in both environments, and hence the hope that this collection may maintain some value over time. While distressingly lacking in technical sophistication, containing as it does no bits whatsoever, the printed medium does have the signal advantages of conservation across power failures, and immunity to electromagnetic pulses. Mr. Protocol begs the indulgence of future readers, and as his only defense against errors found herein, can only lay claim to utter and complete nonexistence. Despite this handicap, he nevertheless wishes to express gratitude to his admirers, who are substantial, however you look at it.