sig-quotes.xml

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  <quotation id="q1">
    <p>
      We have privative words of every sort: / Aphonia. Aphemia. Aphasia. /
      Alexia. Apraxia. Agnosia. / Amnesia. Ataxia.
    </p>
    <source><cite>The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat</cite>, music Michael Nyman, libretto Christopher Rawlence</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q2">
    <p>
      Calm before the storm. Form is emptiness. Emptiness form.
    </p>
    <source><cite>The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat</cite>, music Michael Nyman, libretto Christopher Rawlence</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q3">
    <p>
      But what of the parietal regions, / The fibres, nerves, neurons, / The
      synapses of occipital zones? / What of the cytoarchitectonic, / The
      structure of visual processing?
    </p>
    <source><cite>The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat</cite>, music Michael Nyman, libretto Christopher Rawlence</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q4">
    <p>
      Does he see people / Or simply schematic / Cued memories?
    </p>
    <source><cite>The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat</cite>, music Michael Nyman, libretto Christopher Rawlence</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q5">
    <p>
      He dwells within schema; / He's lost touch with the concrete world.
    </p>
    <source><cite>The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat</cite>, music Michael Nyman, libretto Christopher Rawlence</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q6">
    <p>
      Olfactory algebra. / Mathematical odours. / Whiffs of the infinite
      rose. / Heaven in a wild flower.
    </p>
    <source><cite>The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat</cite>, music Michael Nyman, libretto Christopher Rawlence</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q7">
    <p>
      "Please. Where is the butter, that I might spread it lavishly and feel
      its oily smoothness?"
    </p>
    <p>
      "Ain't got none, there's a plague on."
    </p>
    <source><cite>Greek</cite>, music Mark-Anthony Turnage, libretto Steven Berkoff</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q8">
    <p>
      Open are the double doors of the horizon / Unlocked are its bolts /
      Clouds darken the sky / The stars rain down / The constellations
      stagger / The bones of the hell hounds tremble.
    </p>
    <source><cite>Akhnaten</cite>, music Philip Glass, libretto Shalom Goldman</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q9">
    <p>
      Immediately I know that I've been sucked into hell and I can't get
      out. So anything that Adam Sandler is in, I just can't help it.
    </p>
    <source>Kevin Murphy of MST3K</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q10">
    <p>
      When he stood up, his face white and dirty and the silk of his
      breeches opened from waist to knee, it was the dirtiness of the rented
      breeches, the dirtiness of his slit underwear, and the clean, clean,
      unbearably clean whiteness of the thigh bone that I had seen, and it
      was that which was important.
    </p>
    <author>Ernest Hemingway</author>
    <source>"Bullfighting", from <cite>Death in the Afternoon</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q11">
    <p>
      "Oh, God, Mulder. It smells like... I think it's bile."
    </p>
    <p>
      "Is there any way I can get it off my fingers quickly without
      betraying my cool exterior?"
    </p>
    <source>Scully and Mulder, in the X-Files episode "Squeeze"</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q12">
    <p>
      I confidently expect it to be a fairly resounding failure.
    </p>
    <source>John Cleese, on the Monty Python reunion planned for 1999</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q13">
    <p>
      My nose shall never be touched while heaven give me strength.
    </p>
    <author>Sterne</author>
    <source><cite>Tristram Shandy</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q14">
    <p>
      All right. Have it your own way. Road to hell paved with unbought
      stuffed dogs. Not my fault.
    </p>
    <author>Ernest Hemingway</author>
    <source><cite>The Sun Also Rises</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q15">
    <p>
      Thank you for letting me borrow your objects.
    </p>
    <source>Ute Lemper in concert, March 13, 1997</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q16">
    <p>
      Apparently, to implement this ominous mess, <em>two</em> committees
      have been "impaneled". At first glance, I read this as "impaled"
      (wishful thinking).
    </p>
    <author>Stan Kelly-Bootle</author>
    <source><cite>The Computer Contradictionary</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q17">
    <p>
      What on earth is less likely than <em>two</em> committees to produce a
      seamless web of anything but intrigue and deficit? Who said "three
      committees"?
    </p>
    <author>Stan Kelly-Bootle</author>
    <source><cite>The Computer Contradictionary</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q18">
    <p>
      run-time. n. (QA testing) the moment when the programmer shouts "Must
      run!" and disappears.
    </p>
    <author>Stan Kelly-Bootle</author>
    <source><cite>The Computer Contradictionary</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q19">
    <p>
      prompt. n. (Unix) A symbol on the screen indicating which shell is
      attacking you.
    </p>
    <author>Stan Kelly-Bootle</author>
    <source><cite>The Computer Contradictionary</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q20">
    <p>
      mnemonic. n. I had a wildly funny definition of this, but...oh, it may
      come back...
    </p>
    <author>Stan Kelly-Bootle</author>
    <source><cite>The Computer Contradictionary</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q21">
    <p>
      BLOB. n. Acronym for Binary Large Object. Codd'n'Date's sci-fi
      nightmare in which huge unstructured thingies attack the relational
      integrity of all we love.
    </p>
    <author>Stan Kelly-Bootle</author>
    <source><cite>The Computer Contradictionary</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q22">
    <p>
      As to why the outer planets wobble, it's 'cause they're so far away
      that nobody loves them, and they've been drinking.
    </p>
    <source>Kibo, in sci.astro</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q23">
    <p>
      The Answers to these Frequently Asked Questions have been verified by
      Encyclopedia Britannica. They have not, however, been verified to be
      <em>correct</em>.
    </p>
    <source>The alt.religion.kibology FAQ</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q24">
    <p>
      Q. Does Kibo believe in furniture?
    </p>
    <p>
      A. No. Go away, furniture!
    </p>
    <source>The alt.religion.kibology FAQ</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q25">
    <p>
      Q. How did Kibo acquire this much power?
    </p>
    <p>
      A. He invented the smiley.
    </p>
    <source>The alt.religion.kibology FAQ</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q26">
    <p>
      Q. What does Kibo think of television?
    </p>
    <p>
      A. TV is evil and must be destroyed. A good way to do this is to watch
      your set until it burns out.
    </p>
    <source>The alt.religion.kibology FAQ</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q27">
    <p>
      Q. Don't you care?
    </p>
    <p>
      A. Of course Kibo cares. Just not very much.
    </p>
    <source>The alt.religion.kibology FAQ</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q28">
    <p>
      "Of course, just because we've heard a spine-chilling, blood-curdling
      scream of the sort to make your very marrow freeze in your bones
      doesn't automatically mean there's anything wrong."
    </p>
    <source>Terry Pratchett, <cite>Soul Music</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q29">
    <p>
      This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic.
    </p>
    <source>Terry Pratchett, in alt.fan.pratchett</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q30">
    <p>
      It looked like the sort of book described in library catalogues as
      "slightly foxed", although it would be more honest to admit that it
      looked as though it had been badgered, wolved and possibly beared as
      well.
    </p>
    <source>Terry Pratchett, <cite>The Light Fantastic</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q31">
    <p>
      Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant "idiot".
    </p>
    <source>Terry Pratchett, <cite>The Colour of Magic</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q32">
    <p>
      There comes a time when you look into the mirror and realize that what
      you see is all that you will ever be. Then you accept it, or you kill
      yourself. Or you stop looking into mirrors.
    </p>
    <source>Londo, in Babylon 5: "Chrysalis"</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q33">
    <p>
      We are dreamers, shapers, singers, and makers. We study the mysteries
      of laser and circuit, crystal and scanner, holographic demons and
      invocations of equations. These are the tools we employ...
    </p>
    <source>Elric, in Babylon 5: "The Geometry of Shadows"</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q34">
    <p>
      So much has been lost, so much forgotten. So much pain, so much blood.
      And for what, I wonder? The past tempts us, the present confuses us,
      and the future frightens us. And our lives slip away, moment by
      moment, lost in that vast terrible inbetween. But there is still time
      to cease that one last fragile moment. To choose something better, to
      make a difference, as you say. And I intend to do just that.
    </p>
    <source>The Centauri emperor, in Babylon 5: "The Coming of Shadows"</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q35">
    <p>
      The war we fight is not against powers and principalities, it is
      against chaos and despair. Greater than the death of flesh is the
      death of hope. The death of dreams. Against this peril we can never
      surrender.
    </p>
    <source>G'Kar, Season 3 ending in Babylon 5: "Z'ha'dum"</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q36">
    <p>
      The future is all around us, waiting in moments of transition, to be
      born in moments of revelation. No one knows the shape of that future,
      or where it will take us.
    </p>
    <source>G'Kar, Season 3 ending in Babylon 5: "Z'ha'dum"</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q37">
    <p>
      UN-altered REPRODUCTION and DISSEMINATION of this IMPORTANT
      Information is ENCOURAGED.
    </p>
    <source>Robert E. McElwaine</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q38">
    <p>
      For quite some time now, I've been an advocate of a sort of IQ test
      for people prior to allowing them onto the Internet. Apparently a
      similar test doesn't exist to become an attorney.
    </p>
    <source>Seen on slashdot.org</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q39">
    <p>
      There are two kinds of large software systems: those that evolved from
      small systems and those that don't work.
    </p>
    <source>Seen on slashdot.org</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q40">
    <p>
      
<pre>Traceback (innermost last):
  File "/home/akuchlin/fortune.py", line 78, in ?
    print get(sys.argv[1])
ValueError: No relevant quotation found</pre>
      
    </p>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q41">
    <p>
      ... a man and two smart-aleck robots wisecrack their way through some
      of the most awful movies ever committed to celluloid. ... This show
      must be the work of genius, because garden-variety stupidity would
      never come up with anything like this.
    </p>
    <source><cite>Mystery Science Theatre 3000</cite>, described in the April 1999 issue of <cite>Sci-Fi Universe</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q42">
    <p>
      It is estimated that the statistical breakdown of HappyNet will be
      thus: 1.0000% nonbozo.*, 90.0000% bozo.*, 9.0000% megabozo.*.
      (Computations courtesy of Bell Labs)
    </p>
    <author>Kibo</author>
    <source>In the Happynet Manifesto</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q43">
    <p>
      You are being given your own HappyNet group. Its placement will depend
      on your answer to this simple question: ARE YOU A BOZO? (CHECK EXACTLY
      ONE) [] YES [] NO
    </p>
    <author>Kibo</author>
    <source>In the Happynet Manifesto</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q44">
    <p>
      ..signature has giant ASCII graphic: Forced to read "War And Peace" at
      110 baud on a Braille terminal after having fingers rubbed with
      sandpaper.
    </p>
    <author>Kibo</author>
    <source>In the Happynet Manifesto</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q45">
    <p>
      Spelling "too" as "to", "it's" as "its", "lose" as "loose", "you're"
      as "your", or any of the following--"wierd", "Anti-Semetic",
      "senerio", or "masterbation": Forced to write out Webster's Ninth ten
      times.
    </p>
    <author>Kibo</author>
    <source>In the Happynet Manifesto</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q46">
    <p>
      Sending a newgroup message without permission of Leader Kibo: Poster
      is forced to adopt twelve wacky sitcom children.
    </p>
    <author>Kibo</author>
    <source>In the Happynet Manifesto</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q47">
    <p>
      Posting "Please send e-mail, since I don't read this group": Poster is
      rendered illiterate by a simple trepanation.
    </p>
    <author>Kibo</author>
    <source>In the Happynet Manifesto</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q48">
    <p>
      Posting to aus.* from the USA: Poster is deported to Australia after
      having a "Kick Me, Mate" sign glued to their forehead.
    </p>
    <author>Kibo</author>
    <source>In the Happynet Manifesto</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q49">
    <p>
      Posting an article with a malformed address so that mail bounces when
      people reply: Poster and/or their admin are sent back to kindergarten.
    </p>
    <author>Kibo</author>
    <source>In the Happynet Manifesto</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q50">
    <p>
      Saying "Imminent death of the net predicted!": Imminent execution of
      poster predicted.
    </p>
    <author>Kibo</author>
    <source>In the Happynet Manifesto</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q51">
    <p>
      Mentioning Star Trek outside of the Star Trek groups: "Star Trek: Deep
      Space Nine" is cancelled, and all tapes of the original series are
      burned. William Shatner will direct all future movies.
    </p>
    <author>Kibo</author>
    <source>In the Happynet Manifesto</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q52">
    <p>
      The Sony Walkman will become obsolete thanks to the Sony rnman. The
      instructions will be on a separate device, the Sony manman.
    </p>
    <author>Kibo</author>
    <source>In the Happynet Manifesto</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q53">
    <p>
      This looks likes the sort of thing which will get vectored by the
      Libertarian and the gullible (by no means disjoint sets!).
    </p>
    <author>Seth Finkelstein</author>
    <source>On Cyberia-L</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q54">
    <p>
      And I'd be a Libertarian, if they weren't all a bunch of tax-dodging
      professional whiners.
    </p>
    <author>Berke Breathed</author>
    <source>In an interview by <cite>The Onion</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q55">
    <p>
      Hanging on to the silly as I sail toward my mid-40s is my current
      project. The middle-age temptation to get serious about everything is
      Satan's handiwork.
    </p>
    <author>Berke Breathed</author>
    <source>In an interview by <cite>The Onion</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q56">
    <p>
      The Internet uses a form of time-sharing. It may not be as fast as you
      would like, but it's time sharing. Demons may work the same way.
    </p>
    <source>From the Demon Possession Handbook (http://www.gelservices.com/part1.html)</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q57">
    <p>
      Assuming that their minimum speed of travel is the speed of
      electricity, 186,000 miles per second, a single demon can trouble a
      large number of people in the course of a few minutes.
    </p>
    <source>From the Demon Possession Handbook (http://www.gelservices.com/part1.html)</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q58">
    <p>
      I'm willing to accept that someone might just have all the answers.
      However, I'm pretty sure he won't be posting them on a GeoCities page.
    </p>
    <source>From mathew's October 1999 web.scan</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q59">
    <p>
      Let's face it, if you can take seriously the idea that porcine pasty-
      white American redneck bigots are God's chosen people, you obviously
      can't have much of a sense of humor.
    </p>
    <source>From mathew's September 1999 web.scan</source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q60" date="1993">
    <p>
      Missy and Beethoven are first smitten with each other while Dolly
      Parton and James Ingram sing "The Day I Fall in Love", and I'm telling
      you, there wasn't a dry face on the screen, mostly because the dogs
      were licking each other.
    </p>
    <source>Roger Ebert, reviewing <cite>Beethoven's 2nd</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q61" date="1998">
    <p>
      I guess you could laugh at this. You would have to be seriously
      alienated from normal human values and be nursing a deep-seated anger
      against movies that make you think even a little, but you could laugh.
    </p>
    <source>Roger Ebert, reviewing <cite>The Big Hit</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q62" date="1997">
    <p>
      Not one single event in the entire plot can possibly take place unless
      every character in the cast has brains made of Bac-O-Bits.
    </p>
    <source>Roger Ebert, reviewing <cite>Jungle 2 Jungle</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q63" date="1996">
    <p>
      There is a movie called <cite>Fargo</cite>. It is a masterpiece. Go
      see it. If you under any circumstances see <cite>Little Indian, Big
      City</cite>, I will never let you read one of my reviews again.
    </p>
    <source>Roger Ebert, reviewing <cite>Little Indian, Big City</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q64" date="1996">
    <p>
      <cite>Mad Dog Time</cite> is the first movie I have seen that does not
      improve on the sight of a blank screen viewed for the same length of
      time.
    </p>
    <source>Roger Ebert, reviewing <cite>Mad Dog Time</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q65" date="1998">
    <p>
      Giocante has been billed as "the new Bardot", and she's off to a good
      start: Bardot didn't make many good films, either.
    </p>
    <source>Roger Ebert, reviewing <cite>Marie Baie Des Anges</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q66" date="1969">
    <p>
      One goes to this movie in the same spirit one visits an ancient town
      buried by lava centuries ago. To try to determine by examining the
      ruins what made the gods punish man so.
    </p>
    <source>Roger Ebert, reviewing <cite>A Place for Lovers</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q67" date="1979">
    <p>
      Even if I buy the wretched Drum as a Moral Symbol, I'm still stuck
      with the kid as a pious little bastard.
    </p>
    <source>Roger Ebert, reviewing <cite>The Tin Drum</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q68" date="1998">
    <p>
      Through a tortuous series of contrived misunderstandings, the boy and
      girl avoid happiness for most of the movie, although not as
      successfully as we do.
    </p>
    <source>Roger Ebert, reviewing <cite>The Wedding Singer</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q69" date="1999">
    <p>
      I have often asked myself, "What would it look like if the characters
      in a movie were animatronic puppets created by aliens with an
      imperfect mastery of human behavior?" Now I know.
    </p>
    <source>Roger Ebert, reviewing <cite>Friends &amp; Lovers</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q70" date="1992">
    <p>
      If I were more of a hero, I would spend the next couple of weeks
      breaking into theaters where this movie is being shown, and leading
      the audience to safety.
    </p>
    <source>Roger Ebert, reviewing <cite>Frozen Assets</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q71" date="1998">
    <p>
      Now that I've inspired a character in a Godzilla movie, all I really
      still desire is for several Ingmar Bergman characters to sit in a
      circle and read my reviews to one another in hushed tones.
    </p>
    <source>Roger Ebert, reviewing <cite>Godzilla</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q72" date="2000">
    <p>
      It's a movie without a brain in its three pretty little heads, which
      belong to Cameron Diaz, Drew Barrymore and Lucy Liu. This movie is a
      dead zone in their lives, and mine.
    </p>
    <source>Roger Ebert, reviewing <cite>Charlie's Angels</cite></source>
  </quotation>

  <quotation id="q73">
    <p>
      In all the annals of the movies, few films have been this odd,
      inexplicable and unpleasant.
    </p>
    <author>Roger Ebert</author>
    <source>In a review of "Death to Smoochy"</source>
  </quotation>

</quotations>