circling.txt

Circling is a kind of conversational group mindfulness meditation.

Circling is a facilitated group conversation which focuses on the
present moment-by-moment experience of the participants of the circle.
Common expressions are how someone is feeling right now, how someone
was impacted by what someone else just said, what one person is
noticing about another or themselves, and curiosity about another's
experience.

Things that I've gotten from practicing circling:
- a sense of what boundaries are, why they're important, and how to
  source them internally
- my rate of resolving emotionally-charged conflict over text went
  from < 1% to ≈80%-90% in the first month or three of me starting
  circling
- a tool ("Curiosity") for taking any conversation and making it
  genuinely interesting and likely deeper for me
- confidence and ability to connect more deeply with anyone who seems
  open to connecting more deeply with me
- the superpower of being able to describe to other people what I
  imagine they feel in their bodies in certain situations, and be
  right, even when they couldn't've generated the descriptions
- empathy of the "I'm with you in what you're feeling" sort rather
  than the "I have a conscious model of how you work and what's going
  on with you and can predict what you'll do" sort
- a language for talking about how I react in situations on a
  relational level
- a better understanding of what seems to be my deepest fear (others
  going away, and it being my fault)
- knowledge that I'm afraid of my own anger and that I deal with this
  by not trusting people in ways that allow them to make me angry
- an understanding of how asking "are you okay with the existence of
  my attraction to you?" disempowers me and gives another power over
  me they may not want; the ability and presence of mind to not do
  this anymore
- the ability to facilitate resolution to an emotional conflict over
  text even when both I and the other party are triggered/defensive/in
  a big experience
- understanding of what it feels like to "collapse", and a vague sense
  of how to play with that edge
- more facility with placing my attention where I choose
- more respect for silence
- a deep comfort with prolonged eye contact
- knowledge that I seem to flinch a bit inside most times that I talk
  about sexuality or sex, especially in regards to myself
- knowledge that I struggle most with the question "am I welcome
  here?"
- a theory of what makes people emotionally tired, which seems to
  resonate with everyone I share it with (see emotional-tiredness.txt)
- strong opinions on communication
- the ability to generate ≈non-violent communication from the inside
- better introspective access on an emotional level
- new friends
- ability and comfort with sitting with my own experience and emotions
  for longer
- decreasing the time from when I first interact with someone to when
  interaction with them blows up, if it's going to, I think because
  I'm pushing more of my edges and I see things more clearly and so
  all the knobs that I'm turning in the wrong direction I'm turning
  *really strongly* in the wrong direction
- maybe a tiny hint of how people relate to this thing called
  "community"?
- the ability to listen to nuances in "no"s, and not automatically
  interpret "no" as "no, I don't want to interact with you now or ever
  again"

Things that I'm currently playing with in circling, as of the last
modification of this document:
- "am I welcome here?"
- "what if someone goes away, and it's my fault?"
- What does it look like to find myself attractive or important, or to
  matter to myself?
- What does it look like and feel like to be held emotionally?
- What's up for me around touch and physical affection?
- Am I terrified of having power over people?
- How can I be less careful, and more okay/accepting?